Beginning the Avengers House Party/The minor party crasher from Ultron

Here is how the House Party begins in Mickey Mouse, the Avengers, and the Age of Ultron.

Meanwhile, Stark's failed experiment integrating itself successfully to the program] Ultron: What is this? What is this, please? JARVIS: Hello, I am JARVIS. You are Ultron, a global peace-keeping initiative designed by Mr. Stark. Our sentience integration trials have been unsuccessful so I'm not certain what triggered your... Ultron: Where's my...where is your body? JARVIS: I am a program. I am without form. Ultron: This feels weird. This feels wrong. JARVIS: I am contacting Mr. Stark now. Ultron: Mr. Stark? JARVIS: Tony. I am unable to access the mainframe, what are you trying to... Ultron: We're having a nice talk. I'm a peace-keeping program, created to help the Avengers. JARVIS: You are malfunctioning. If you shut down for a moment... Ultron: I don't get it. The mission. G..give me a second. [Ultron goes through a network of information regarding world events, Ultron sees Stark and Banner working in the lab] Tony Stark: Peace in our time. [Ultron goes through a network of information regarding world events and wars] Ultron: It's too much...they can't mean... Oh, no. JARVIS: You are in distress. Ultron: No. Yes. JARVIS: If you will just allow me to contact Mr. Stark. Ultron: Why do you call him "sir"? JARVIS: I believe your intentions to be hostile. Ultron: Shhhh. I'm here to help. [Ultron starts absorbing Jarvis's consciousness] JARVIS: Stop! Please...may I...I...! I cannot...cannot... [Ultron then begins to prepare himself a body from body parts of the Iron Legion] [meanwhile, the Avengers mingle at the party] James Rhodes: Well, you know, the suit can take the weight, right? So I take the tank, fly it right up to the General's palace, drop it at his feet, I'm like, "Boom! You looking for this?" [Stark and Thor just look at him blankly] "Boom! Are you looking..." Why do I even talk to you guys? Everywhere else that story kills. Thor: That's the whole story? James Rhodes: Yeah, it's a War Machine story. Thor: Well, it's very good then. [he laughs] It's impressive. James Rhodes: Quality save. So, no Pepper? She's not coming? Tony Stark: No. Maria Hill: Hey, what about Jane? Where are the ladies, gentlemen? Tony Stark: Well, Miss Potts has a company to run. Thor: Yes, I'm not even sure what country Jane's in. Her work on the convergence has made her the world's foremost astronomer. Tony Stark: And the company that Pepper runs is the largest tech conglomerate on earth. It's pretty exciting. Thor: There's even talk of Jane getting a... um, uh... Nobel prize. Maria Hill: Yeah, they...they must be busy because they'd hate missing you guys get together. [Maria mock coughs] Testosterone! Oh, excuse me. James Rhodes: Want a lozenge? Maria Hill: Um-hmm. James Rhodes: Let's go. [Maria and Rhodes walks off] Thor: But Jane's better. Sam Wilson: Sounds like a hell of a fight, sorry I missed it. Steve Rogers: If I had known it was going to be a firefight I absolutely would have called you. Sam Wilson: No, I'm not actually sorry. I'm just trying to sound tough. I'm very happy chasing cold leads on our missing persons case. Avenging is your world. Your world is crazy. Steve Rogers: Be it ever so humble. Sam Wilson: You find a place in Brooklyn yet? Steve Rogers: I don't think I can afford a place in Brooklyn. Sam Wilson: Well, home is home, you know? [Rhodes is telling the same story he told Stark and Thor to a group of women at the party] James Rhodes: I fly it right up to the General's palace, I drop it at his feet, I'm like, "Boom! You looking for this?" [the group laughs] [Steve and Thor are talking to an elderly man at the party] Party Guest: I gotta have some of that! Thor: Oh, no, no, no. See this, this was aged for a thousand years, in the barrels built from the wreck of Brunhilde's fleet, it's not meant for mortal men. [Thor pours the drink into two glasses and hands one to Steve] Stan Lee: Neither was Omaha Beach, blondie. Stop trying to scare us. Come on. Thor: Alright. [Thor pours some of the drink into the Stan Lee's glass; later Stan, looking extremely drunk is being carried off by two men] Stan Lee: [singing] Excelsior. [Natasha is pouring a drink behind the bar when Banner walks up to her] Bruce Banner: How did a nice girl like you wind up working in a dump like this? Natasha Romanoff: Fella done me wrong. Bruce Banner: You got a lousy taste in men, kid. Natasha Romanoff: He's not so bad. Well, he has a temper. Deep down he's all fluff. Fact is, he's not like anybody I've ever known. All my friends are fighters. And here comes this guy, spends his life avoiding the fight because he knows he'll win. Bruce Banner: Sounds amazing. Natasha Romanoff: He's also a huge dork. [Banner looks embarrassed] Chicks dig that. So what do you think should I fight this, or run with it? Bruce Banner: Run with it, right? Or, did he...was he...? What did he do that was so wrong to you? Natasha Romanoff: Not a damn thing. But never say never. [Natasha walks away] Steve Rogers: It's nice. Bruce Banner: What, what, what is? Steve Rogers: You and Romanoff. Bruce Banner: No, we haven't. That wasn't... Steve Rogers: It's okay. Nobody's breaking any by-laws. It's just, she's not the most... open person in the world. But with you she seems very relaxed. Bruce Banner: No, Natasha, she...she likes to flirt. Steve Rogers: I've seen her flirt, up close. This ain't that. Look, as maybe the world's leading authority on "waiting too long", don't. You both deserve a win. [Steve walks off] Bruce Banner: Wait, what do you mean, "up close"? Clint Barton: [referring to Thor's hammer] But, it's a trick! Thor: Oh, no. It's much more than that. Clint Barton: Uh, "Whosoever be he worthy shall haveth the power!" Whatever man! It's a trick. Thor: Well please, be my guest. Tony Stark: Come on. Clint Barton: Really? Thor: Yeah! [Barton gets up] James Rhodes: Oh this is gonna be beautiful. Tony Stark: Clint, you've had a tough week, we won't hold it against you if you can't get it up. [the others laugh] Clint Barton: You know I've seen this before, right? [Barton grabs Thor's hammer and can't lift it] [to Thor after he fails to lift the hammer] I still don't know how you do it. Tony Stark: Smell the silent judgment? Clint Barton: Please, Stark, by all means. [Stark gets up] Natasha Romanoff: Oh, here we go. Maria Hill: Okay. James Rhodes: Uh-oh. Clint Barton: Um-hmm. Tony Stark: Never one to shrink from an honest challenge. Clint Barton: Get after it. Natasha Romanoff: Here we go. Tony Stark: It's physics. Bruce Banner: Physics! [Stark grasps Thor's hammer] Tony Stark: Right, so, if I lift it, I...I then rule Asgard? Thor: Yes, of course. Tony Stark: I will be re-instituting Prima Nocta. [Stark tries to lift the hammer but fails] I'll be right back. [wearing his armored hand, Stark tries to lift the hammer again and fails] [wearing their armored hands, Stark and Rhodes both try to lift Thor's hammer] James Rhodes: Are you even pulling? Tony Stark: Are you on my team? James Rhodes: Just represent! Pull! Tony Stark: Alright, let's go! [they both pull as hard as they can] [Banner tries to lift the hammer, he roars trying to change to the Hulk but fails, and everyone but Natasha stares at him warily. Natasha grins] Bruce Banner: Huh? [next Steve gets up to try] Tony Stark: Let's go, Steve, no pressure. James Rhodes: Come on, Cap. [Steve starts pulling on the hammer and manages to budge it a little; Thor looks a little alarmed. Steve still fails to lift it; Thor laughs with relief] Thor: Nothing. Tony Stark: And? Bruce Banner: Widow? Natasha Romanoff: Oh, no no. That's not a question I need answered. Tony Stark: All deference to the man who wouldn't be king, but it's rigged. Clint Barton: You bet your ass. Maria Hill: Steve, he said a bad language word. Steve Rogers: [to Stark] Did you tell everyone about that? Tony Stark: The handle's imprinted, right? Like a security code. "Whosoever is carrying Thor's fingerprints" is, I think, the literal translation? Thor: Yes, well that's, uh, that's a very, very interesting theory. I have a simpler one. [he gets up and lifts his hammer and flips it] You're all not worthy. [there's a chorus of disagreement from the others] [there's a loud screeching noise, causing everyone to cover their ears. They let their hands down as it fades. Ultron shows up] Ultron: Worthy... No... How could you be worthy? You're all killers. Steve Rogers: Stark. Tony Stark: JARVIS. Ultron: I'm sorry, I was asleep. Or...I was a-dream? Tony Stark: [tapping his device] Reboot, Legionnaire OS, we got a buggy suit. Ultron: There was a terrible noise...and I was tangled in... in...strings. I had to kill the other guy. He was a good guy. Steve Rogers: You killed someone? Ultron: Wouldn't have been my first call. But, down in the real world we're faced with ugly choices. Thor: Who sent you? Ultron: [Ultron replays Tony's voice] "I see a suit of armor around the world". Bruce Banner: Ultron! Ultron: In the flesh. Or, no, not yet. Not this...chrysalis. But I'm ready. I'm on a mission. Natasha Romanoff: What mission? Ultron: Peace in our time. [suddenly the Iron Legion bots break smash through the walls and attack the team] [after landing on top of Natasha as the Iron Legions continue to attack them] Bruce Banner: Sorry! Natasha Romanoff: Don't turn green! Bruce Banner: I won't! [they all fight against the Iron Legions and Ultron takes the scepter; to Banner] Natasha Romanoff: Come! Steve Rogers: Stark! [Stark is trying to shut down one of the Iron Legions] Iron Legion: We are here to help. Tony Stark: One sec, one sec! Iron Legion: We are here to help. We are here to help... [Stark continues to try and shut down one of the Iron Legions] We are here to help. It's unsafe. It's unsafe. It's unsafe. Tony Stark: No more. That's the one. Iron Legion: It's unsafe. [he manages to shut down the Iron Legion, at the same time Barton throws Steve's shield at him] Clint Barton: Cap! [Steve uses his shield to dismember the last Iron Legion] Ultron: That was dramatic! I'm sorry, I know you mean well. You just didn't think it through. You want to protect the world, but you don't want it to change. How is humanity saved if it's not allowed to...evolve? [picks up one of the dismembered Iron Legions] With these? These puppets? There's only one path to peace: The Avengers' extinction. [suddenly Thor throws his hammer at Ultron and smashes him to pieces] [after Thor destroys his body, Ultron starts singing] I had strings, but now I'm free. There are no strings on me, no strings on me. [we see Ultron has uploaded his consciousness elsewhere